


Crackhead Oneshots

by savvy_c_1969



Category: Kindergarten (Video Game 2017)
Genre: Crack, Explicit Language, Explosives, Kindergarten, kindergarten 2 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-10-01 17:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20357098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvy_c_1969/pseuds/savvy_c_1969
Summary: Mostly just me writing random hecking things with the kiddos at the latest of hours. Very much not a thing to read if you're looking for something well written with a decent plot and accurate characters. If you insist on reading it though, let it be known I did try and warn you.





	Crackhead Oneshots

The Infamous Bowling Alley Incident

~~~

“Have you ever even been bowling before?”

Felix’s head sharply turned towards Carla, a singular brow raising in confusion and slight disdain.

“Of course. Father felt it was important for me and Teddy to participate in a number of hobbies and activities to better broaden our horizons of experiences so we could easily connect with clients and partners. Why do you ask?”

“Usually bowling doesn’t include throwing the nearest person to you at the pins.”

It seemed as if this was new information to the entitled blonde child.

“That’s how father taught me to do it.”

He said this as if what he was implying was normal.

“What, did he just tell you to chuck Ted at the pins or something?”

Felix looked away from his classmate, adjusting his tie and clearing his throat.

“What he lacks in general usefulness he makes up for in his ability to get strikes,” he had practically mumbled.

Carla couldn’t contain her sudden bout of laughter, almost doubling over on the spot. Felix, however, didn’t understand what was so funny, but he figured his sense of humor was too refined for someone like the sly and downright mischievous girl besides him.

“Hey guys, I’m still tRApPeD iN hERe-!”

Oh. Right. Monty was still stuck in the end of the bowling lane. How his current circumstances could be forgotten that quickly would forever remain a mystery.

Carla and Felix watched Monty from afar, Monty still struggling to get his robotic legs out from the pin reseter, his lower half pretty much hidden away from anyone who saw him. To be quite honest, the scene looked hilarious, but the bowling alley staff probably wouldn’t feel the same. Thus, Carla and Felix knew they had to get the inspiring businessman out, even if the latter of the two was a little more willing to let Monty suffer just for the heck of it.

“Have any bright ideas, moneybags?” Carla asked, her hands retreating to her jacket pockets and her eyes still trained on an increasingly frustrated Monty.

Felix’s lips pursed in thought, but he slowly began to nod.

“Some sort of solution has crossed my mind...”

“Then what are you waiting for? Hurry up and get him outta there! I don’t wanna get banned from the bowling alley again!”

Felix purposefully ignored that last bit, instead choosing to walk up to the lane. He stopped in front of the line that was supposed to prevent people from stepping further into the lane, but as he stared down at Monty trying to twist his way to freedom, he felt like there should be more defenses in place. If he was in charge, he’d probably install some sort of laser defense system. That and he’d add mozzarella sticks to the snack bar menu.

“Hey, rich bitch, don’t just stand there! You got me into this mess, get me out of it!”

Monty’s plea pulled Felix out from his train of thought and refocused him on the task at hand.

Felix turned on his heel, redirecting himself towards the ball returner. His own ball (his own, personally engraved ball his father had bought for him) sat there untouched from previous rounds. Normally, Felix would just pay for somebody else to fetch Monty and take care of the whole situation, but he did feel like this was a special circumstance.

He was the one who had chucked Monty in hopes of pulling an underdog and winning at the last second, after all. Plus, it’s not like any of his regular servants were around, so he couldn’t pawn the responsibilities off on them, anyways. Now Felix had to get creative.

Felix grabbed his ball and walked back towards the lane.

“So, what, you’re just gonna bowl him outta there?” Carla questioned, coming up to Felix’s side and eyeing him more curiously than anything else.

If Felix had been raised by commoners, he would’ve shrugged nonchalantly.

“The ball return returns our balls, why wouldn’t it return Monty?”

Carla nodded approvingly, finding this train of thought sound. Felix readied himself to get a strike. This actually meant he was aiming for Monty’s head in hopes that the sheer force of the bowling ball would push him all the way through the back of the lane.

“No! That’s not how this works! At least use a bigger bowling ball!”

Monty’s concerns were heard, but not taken into consideration.

Felix reeled back to take the shot.

“WAIT!”

Felix audibly squeaked, the ball flinging backwards at a group of unsuspecting middle aged parents whose kids were definitely on an overnight Boy Scouts trip. While the parents all spin jumped in response to a bowling ball flying at them, Felix glared at Carla with anger lacing his eyes.

“What? I had a better idea.”

A sound explanation.

Felix folded his arms across his chest, waiting to hear what kind of idea would warrant scaring the life out of him, thus loosing his bowling ball on top of that. Carla merely reached into...well what could only be described as behind her and pulled out her own ball. It didn’t exactly look like the neon green bowling ball she was using earlier though. This one looked rough, black, and had a little fuse on it.

“Carla, is that a fucking bomb?”

She nodded a bit too eagerly, holding the explosive out in offering.

“It’ll pack a hell of a lot more punch then your crummy bowling ball.”

Felix, after thinking about all his other options and wondering how his life decisions got him in this position in the first place, started to take the bomb into his hands, asking, “Why do you even have this on you?”

Carla shrugged, passing the bomb off to Felix and replying, “For emergencies like this.”

Carla was a well known headache created, but luckily Felix knew the perfect remedy. The best solution was to just not think about the reasonings behind the brunette’s actions ever.

So, with a new plan to put into action, Felix prepped himself to take the shot once again, Carla pulling out a lighter and easily setting the fuse ablaze.

“Guys, whatever you’re thinking of doing, DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH IT!”

“DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME TONIGHT OR NOT, GINGER-VITIS?” Carla shouted back, backing herself towards the nearest wall. “HEY SILVER SPOON, HURRY UP AND CHUCK THAT THING UNLESS YOU WANNA JOIN ROBO LEGS DOWN THERE!”

Somewhat terrified of the bomb going off in his hands, somewhat intimidated by Carla’s witty nicknames, Felix finally sent the ball towards Monty.

Monty, seeing that his dumbass friends had thought a bomb would somehow help him in his current situation, stopped struggling and just laid there, accepting his fate. Propping his head up on one of his hands, he turned towards the camera.

“I guess if it’s my time, it’s my time. Send me home, papa.”

The bomb hit Monty, exploding on impact.

The explosion was magnificent, everything considered. Once the heavy smoke cleared out, the aftermath of the explosion was on display for all to see. The immediate area was almost completely demolished, the walls pretty much caving in and the ceiling already collapsed. The remnants of the lane were strewn haphazardly around and completely blackened to the point one could not recognize their origins. It was horrifying. It was glorious.

Slowly, the two friends met eyes and muttered out the same exact words.

“Oh shit, where did Monty go?”

Carla tugged at her jacket collar, not seeing anything that looked like her friend anywhere in the fallout. Felix squinted, eyebrows furrowed as he scanned the rubble.

“Damn. Maybe he blew up?” Carla lowly whistled. “That must’ve been one of my stronger ones. Should’ve saved that for a rainy day...goddamnit Monty.”

“You...assholes...”

This wheeze directed Carla’s and Felix’s direction to the ground beneath them. Apparently the laws of physics, Hell the basic laws of science in general, hadn’t applied to the situation. Monty laid crumpled up on the floor at their feet, appearance disheveled from the explosion but still intact. Carla just started laughing, quickly saw Felix’s unamused face, collected herself, sighed in content, and wiped a stray tear away from her eye.

“I can’t believe that actually worked, that is hilarious.”

Felix looked down at Monty, trying to hold back the urge to nudge his head with his foot.

“Do you need help up or-“

“Oh, no, don’t strain yourself, pretty boy.”

“I’m glad you think I’m pretty, but I have a feeling your words are dripping in sarcasm.”

“Shut up and help me up, you coat hanger.”

Felix glances over at Carla, who simply shrugged. They reached down, each grabbing one of Monty’s arm and slinging it over their shoulder. Did Monty really need the help? It’s not like his legs were sore, they were made out of the same materials as refrigerators and lawnmowers, after all, so he knew he wasn’t reliant on the assistance. On the other hand, knowing his friends (his completely crazy and practically crackheaded friends, mind you) were willing to drag his ass out of there anyways gave him a nice feeling.

“What...What happened here!? What did you kids do!?”

One of the bowling alley workers finally took notice of the trio, albeit it being a little too late to prevent anything that had happened. Felix, tired of the nauseating carpets and almost ghastly lack of clean bowling shoes, took some money out from his pocket and threw it at the staff member.

“Put it on the Huxley tab.”

“What the hell is a Huxley?”

Fortunately Felix did not hear this as he, Carla, and Monty trudged their way out back into the real world.

~~~

“I’m still impressed you were able to chuck four eyes here that far, blondie. Given you look like you’ve never thrown a ball in your life and all.”

“For as horrible as that whole ordeal was, even I’ve gotta admit you can throw pretty well. Especially for somebody with noodle arms.”

“I hate both of you. So much.”

~~~


End file.
